The other night I was walking home from work, which is after midnight, through the peaceful streets of Cambridge, when I saw a bunny rabbit up ahead in somebody’s yard. And I yelled out “BUNNY RABBIT!” I then proceeded gingerly forward until I was able to address the bunny rabbit on the other side of the fence, asking him/her various questions I thought would be interesting to a bunny rabbit, such as “do you live under someone’s porch?” and “find any nice garbage to gobble up lately?” and “do bunny rabbits have their own states? or do they call them provinces? and their own state capitals with burrows named after great bunny rabbits of history such as that one Belgian rabbit who successfully colonized sub-Saharan Africa? Do you know who I’m talking about?” at which point he bounded away, offended by my cultural insensitivity. Or perhaps he saw a snow leopard. Probably that one. Cambridge is crawling with snow leopards. They’re like rats to us. I hate them.
Anyway, the reason I love the term “bunny rabbit” is because it’s one of the few animals so cute we have to refer to it redundantly, to hyperemphasize its cuteness. We don’t, for example, say “pony horse” or “ape monkey” or “dolphin whale”. We
certainly wouldn’t say “human lady” or even “virus baby”. We do sometimes say “puppy dog” and “kitty cat”. But those are for spinsters and four-year-olds. “Bunny rabbit” is the best. “Bunny rabbit” is adult. It just is. Trust me, I am the expert on completely pointless and made-up opinions about facts I found on the internet. That’s what it means to be a blogger.
Some interesting facts I just learned on the internet: the major difference between rabbits and hares is that rabbits live underground, in warrens, while hares live in bedded grass nests above the ground, called “forms”. Hares tend to be larger, with longer ears. Also, there are no rabbits native to North America. They’re all hares. So perhaps the “bunny rabbit” I spoke with was only offended because I didn’t call him a “hare”, just like a Canadian gets offended when you call him an American, or a New Zealander gets offended when you call him a cunt.