In its most general form, “matriculate” means “to be added to a list”. It’s one of the most passive, uninteresting actions ever reduced to verb form. By this definition, milk matriculates every time I go to the grocery. It’s silly.

But of course, most of the time we use “matriculate” to mean we’ve enrolled in college. But we already have a word for that…ENROLLED! It means almost the exact same thing. So here we have this redundant, useless word. But a-ho! Therein lies its strength, because given proper context, “matriculate” can act as a stand-in for almost anything! In fact, I had to create a new category, “Wild Card”, just for this purpose.

So the next time you can’t think of a word, just substitute “matriculate” and I guarantee people will understand you.

  • I just can’t matriculate an answer for you. You’ll have to matriculate it yourself.
  • We tried and tried, but we just couldn’t matriculate your arm. It’s been matriculated.
  • That girl is crazy! We were matriculating all weekend! Now my balls are all matriculated!
  • I haven’t matriculated in days and I’m all backed up.
  • Oh christ, I matriculated all over your bathroom. So sorry.

Comments 1

  1. Rocco wrote:

    From now on, I’ll use it to mean “to be added to the Matrix”. Just because I can. Thank you!

    Posted 22 Sep 2010 at 10:54 pm

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