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I’m bringing buggery back in a big way!

It is understandable that this word has mostly vanished from our daily lexicon. There was a time when “buggery”, also known as The Black Anal Arts, was defined by English law as a sexual act against God, which was later refined to mean anal sex with a man, woman, or animal. So as we westerners move closer to complete sexual

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But buggery is an entertaining word, and that’s why it should be kept around.

It also has a pretty cool history. Check this out, straight from Wikipedia:

The word “bugger” was derived, via the French “bougre”, from “Bulgar“, that is, “Bulgarian”, meaning the medieval

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And besides, we need this word because it’s the only thing that rhymes with “skullduggery”.


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This word is a total fucking clown. Look at all those silent consonants, just begging to confuse foreigners vainly attempting to understand this ridiculous language. It is pronounced “AP-uh-them” and is the preferred British English spelling to the more common apothegm, which isn’t at all common, except in GRE study guides. In fact, it is possible this word was invented by ETS just to make sure you don’t get into Harvard.

An apophthegm is a short, witty saying. It comes from the Greek apophthengesthai, “to speak one’s opinion frankly” which is from the Greek phthengesthai which means “to speak”, which in turn is from the caveman phthgmsthgmithththph, which means “mountain bear ate heap many cavechildren today, Tonk must shag for survival of cavefamily”, the antecedent, of course, being the coelecanth pptplptltl,  which has no direct English translation, although scholars believe it can be translated as “the actual sinking feeling you get when it dawns on you that you have tiny parasites living on your adipose lobe-fin right before your big fish date with the captain of the fishfootball team, but then you’re eaten by a shark so it doesn’t matter anyway”. Contrary to what you hear on the 24-hour news cycle, coelecanths have a very complex language.


Whoever invented this word, he didn’t do it extemporaneously, because this word is totally ridiculous and that’s why I love it. It’s too long, it’s cumbersome, too complicated, and when you use it you’re pretty much guaranteed to end all conversation. You may get your shins kicked and your throat slashed. But your options are limited if you want to describe an action as “spoken or performed without preparation”. There’s “ad hoc” and “impromptu”, but those words sound like they were built with matchsticks and rubber paste, and you can’t turn them into robust, meaty adverbs. And cousin “spontaneously” doesn’t have quite the same meaning. So if somebody says something extemporaneously, you have no choice but to form all seven syllables, turn your whole body into the point of an asshole, and say it in order to describe it. And now everybody hates you and you TOTALLY deserve it.

What really surprised me is that this word is OLD. A word that long and cumbersome surely was invented yesterday by some cheese-eating Frenchman in a turtleneck and tiny round spectacles, when in fact this word came straight to English from Medieval Latin, which got it from the Latin ex tempore. So the asshole pedigree has never been apart from this word since its

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Bunny Rabbit

The other night I was walking home from work, which is after midnight, through the peaceful streets of Cambridge, when I saw a bunny rabbit up ahead in somebody’s yard. And I yelled out “BUNNY RABBIT!” I then proceeded gingerly forward until I was able to address the bunny rabbit on the other side of the fence, asking him/her various questions I thought would be interesting to a bunny rabbit, such as “do you live under someone’s porch?” and “find any nice garbage to gobble up lately?” and “do bunny rabbits have their own states? or do they call them provinces? and their own state capitals with burrows named after great bunny rabbits of history such as that one Belgian rabbit who successfully colonized sub-Saharan Africa? Do you know who I’m talking about?” at which point he bounded away, offended by my cultural insensitivity. Or perhaps he saw a snow leopard. Probably that one. Cambridge is crawling with snow leopards. They’re like rats to us. I hate them.

Anyway, the reason I love the term “bunny rabbit” is because it’s one of the few animals so cute we have to refer to it redundantly, to hyperemphasize its cuteness. We don’t, for example, say “pony horse” or “ape monkey” or “dolphin whale”. We

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certainly wouldn’t say “human lady” or even “virus baby”. We do sometimes say “puppy dog” and “kitty cat”. But those are for spinsters and four-year-olds. “Bunny rabbit” is the best. “Bunny rabbit” is adult. It just is. Trust me, I am the expert on completely pointless and made-up opinions about facts I found on the internet. That’s what it means to be a blogger.

Some interesting facts I just learned on the internet: the major difference between rabbits and hares is that rabbits live underground, in warrens, while hares live in bedded grass nests above the ground, called “forms”. Hares tend to be larger, with longer ears. Also, there are no rabbits native to North America. They’re all hares. So perhaps the “bunny rabbit” I spoke with was only offended because I didn’t call him a “hare”, just like a Canadian gets offended when you call him an American, or a New Zealander gets offended when you call him a cunt.